Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Steps for dealing with your golden frustration 
The Marquette Golden Eagles are no more. We are now the Marquette Gold. The what? Yes, the Gold. G-O-L-D. So, now that Marquette students are again saddled with an abysmal nickname, how do we deal with it? First, you must realize that you will be made fun of. There is no doubt that one of your friends, who goes to a real school with a real mascot like a tiger or a bulldog, will make fun of you. Accept this ridicule. Embrace it. Laugh along with your friends. Poke fun at your school because this is no longer your school. The administration has taken that away from you.

Next, you must figure out how to respond to inquires from friends and family. Two sample exchanges are provided for your edification:

Friend: Hey, I hear you’re now the Marquette Gold.
You: Uh, ya. That’s what I hear too.
Friend: So, what’s a Gold?
You: Dude, it’s a freaking color. Where did you go to school?
Friend: I know it’s a color. But, like, what’s your mascot?
You: You know, like gold.
Friend: Dude, that sucks.
You: Really? You think so? I mean, I loved being a Golden Chicken, but now that I’m a Gold, I’m freaking pumped man! I can’t wait until Big East fans start chanting “Golden Shower” at away games! This rocks! *cough Screw You *cough

Family (immediately recognizing that you’re distraught): So how did the nickname of Gold come up?
You: I hate this school! I want to come home!
Family: Sweetie, you only have two semester left. You can do it.
You: No! I can’t! I will no be a Gold! What the heck is a Gold anyway? I hate my life!
Family: It’s not that bad, it’s really not.
You: You don’t know! I gotta go. I’m going to jump off the Wisconsin Street bridge. Bye.

These are just a couple of examples of ways you may wish to respond to questions.

Now really, what is a Gold? Maybe we’ll get really lucky, and the administration will choose to use an oversized Gold Medal for a mascot. Or maybe just some gold blob closely resembling the
Western Kentucky University's Big Red? We can only hope and pray that the administration won’t screw up twice. Then again, in reality there’s no hope considering they chose this junk in the first place.

In closing, you should remember that overcoming your disappointment won’t happen overnight. Or in a couple days. Or probably even a lifetime. Just deal with it the best you can. And every night, before you go to sleep, send up a little prayer that this situation will be rectified as soon as possible with a little divine intervention.

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