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Friday, May 06, 2005

Golden Shower 
The Marquette Board of Trustees, under the hypnotic influence of the departed president Al DiUilio, released a press conference to announce a new nickname. Here is the translation of the beaucratic nonsense that was doled out:

MU Administration: "We are the MU Gold!"
Translation: We are undecisive pansies.

MU Administration: "This process respects human dignity."
Translation: Everyone but MU alumni and students is important.

MU Administration: "The process was thoughtful."
Translation: Our brownshirts will crush any contrary thinking.

MU Administration: "This name was chosen for its unique blending of the university’s old and new athletics traditions."
Translation: Like the blending at MMSD, this blending is full of sh*t.

MU Administration: "While I recognize that some people will be disappointed that we are not reinstating the Warriors nickname, we cannot teach one principle about respect for human dignity in our classrooms and then fail to act by that same principle when making decisions."
Translation: You stupid dolts who went to school here are too stupid to think for yourselves and you need us paternalistic, arrogant, pompous twits to think for you.

MU Administration: "This is not an optional program. We are done."
Translation: We are stooges for the former president, Rev. Al DiUlio. We believe in shoving crap down your throats. Henceforth, you will like it, Goldenboy.

MU Admistration: "I am satisfied that people of good conscience will agree we have given this issue thoughtful study and consideration."
Translation: Listen, you fools, we let you complete a rigged survey, what more do you want? Please send checks to Marquette University.

I'm so proud to be a Goldy!
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