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Monday, October 11, 2004

What the Constitution Affords 
John Kerry did a good job defining himself on the issue of abortion during last week's presidential debate.

First, after sarcastically noting that he is a practicing Catholic, Kerry concluded that abortion raises nothing but a dogmatic religious issue. Specifically, Kerry said, "I can't take what is an article of faith for me and legislate it for someone who doesn't share that article of faith."

I'm guessing that Kerry defines "faith" in an "opiate of the masses" sense, so here are just a few things we can expect Kerry to eliminate as supreme mullah of the U.S.: school choice, Stafford loans for students at private colleges, faith-based initiatives, the Pledge of Allegiance, "In God We Trust" on currency, ministers employed by the military and Congress, prohibitions on euthanasia, and any meaningful restriction on access to abortions (even partial-birth), just to name a few. But that's not all. We're going to actually have to pay for the things John Kerry finds in his own religion, the Church of the Living Constitution.

Second, during a cryptic statement affirming his support for taxpayer-funded abortions, Kerry noted that he supports "making certain that you don't deny a poor person the right to be able to have whatever the constitution affords them if they can't afford it otherwise." What does this mean? We'll have to fund every constitutional "right" found to exist by a Kerry-appointed Supreme Court. This may be good news for gay prostitutes servicing poor clients (see Lawrence v. Texas), but it is most certainly bad for the rest of us.

If Bush wants to draw a good distinction between himself and Kerry, he should use these Kerryesque lines:
  • "My opponent wants to fund abortions, but this just takes away from funding the military in its search for Osama Bin Laden."
  • "My opponent supports cutting taxes on the middle class, but this would take away from valuable government services, such as funding abortions for teenagers."

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